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I’m currently not that motivated to read or watch the most popular or trending things. I’d rather indulge in short, tropey, audience catering works, unless I have solid recommendations. Maybe this will change soon because I want to know the popular things like everyone else lol.
Issues that concern me in anime and manga in general are how women are portrayed, from their characterization to the way they are designed— hell, I even take issue with school uniforms and how unfair they are. To that end I am also against any anime or manga that promotes gender ideology, or the idea that you can “feel” like a male or female (what those adherents call “gender”).
All this has often been a subject of recurrent anguish, which might reflect in my reviews.
I like to read or watch anything with both important male and important female characters. That’s why I tend to avoid majority single sex media, unless it is Magical Girl because they’re cute.
I'm a huge fan of romance (yaoi/yuri/GL/BL, I'm not interested in). And I love seeing romantic relationships included and well-written in non-romance focused media. As such, I have my own standards for what a proper romance should look like. There should be...
-a level of physical attraction (such as increased heart rate with increased proximity),
-a bond beyond acquaintances
-jealousy when the love interest is with the opposite sex helps too but is not necessary
-other little things that I can’t think of right now
Otherwise, the feelings will be deemed platonic.
On that topic, I absolutely hate it when romantic relationships are depicted as the ultimate form of love, the most important relationship in one's life, and that you'll be lonely without one. That's why I love it when the story shows that there are people important to the couple besides each other (unless there are circumstances where this is not possible, as is often the case with yanderes and their backstories). But I do understand that in the romance genre, in order to make a romance interesting and memorable, the couple are often the most important people to each other and have a particularly unique, irreplaceable bond where they understand each other the most, which is fine, and also something I enjoy when executed correctly.
My favorite setting has got to be a historical setting that has a lot of influence from contemporary/“western” values, such as more positive views on women. Meaning, a setting that materially, is historically accurate, but in terms of select cultural and social beliefs, is not.
I don’t think your typical historical setting where “all women have to be submissive and pop out kids young” is a very useful read to me even if it is accurate, because what value is there in seeing that worldview pop up again? I say that because just the “small” misogynist ideas are never challenged. And contemporary settings are not my favorite because I am very environmentally conscious and too aware that the way we live our material lives, hell even our very social structures, are highly unsustainable. So certain tropes that are found in those stories remind me of those things.
That’s why the best setting is a mix of both— I’d like to live in a society like that, that’s got to be utopia. Lately though, I’ve been finding that setting more in VN’s.
I hate seeing depictions of children sexualized or seeing characters romantically or sexually attracted to them.
However, I do realize that this is a relative subject that I can’t set objective grounds on, but as for me, I will act on my own moral consciousness. For me, a “depiction of a child” is any character that registers as a child, which depends on the individual, so a character that I see as a child may not be so to you (though I will question if you really believe that if it’s a character that most people see as a child). I also follow “appearance over age” so yes I do not like 18+ year old lolishotas being sexualized, but I do not think being attracted to your average 16 year old character is wrong, nor do I think seeing them have romantic relationships with characters 5+ years older than them is wrong either.
I have a volatile relationship with the “it’s just fiction!” claim. On one hand, I do believe fiction affects reality to some degree, in the first place this is why I’m so concerned with misogyny and how women are depicted, so there’s no such thing as something just “being fiction and for pure enjoyment.” On the other hand, when it comes to subject matter, thisdoesn’t mean that every single thing that is wrong is real life is also wrong in fiction. For instance, back on the topic of age gap relationships with minor (non lolishota) characters. Why do we think this is wrong in the first place? Not because they’re literal children, they were never seen as such for millennia. It’s because that dynamic leads to a lot of abuse/only using the younger party for sex and dumping them for a newer model a few years later, both now and millennia ago. But in fiction, you don’t have to portray this dynamic, the readers can see both parties’ thoughts and be assured that they’re not going after each other for their age and/or status, you can actually see a chance of long lasting genuine love (which is even better in the non-misogynist ideal historical setting I described earlier where the older and younger characters are in the same life stage). That’s why this is one of the only places where the claim “it’s fiction!!!” applies.
Lately I’ve been realizing this, but I no longer want to read ongoing manga with no dedicated fanbase (JJK and AOT were great to follow on Reddit when they were releasing) which is a lot of the romance I’ve been encountering recently, it’s just tough to write reviews like that. Plus I forget everything.
How do I have time for all this?
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All Comments (26) Comments
Hmm... so clearly marriage has been a thing for a while, so I think it depends on how you define romantic love. Are you perhaps saying that marriage was more for practical reasons rather than emotional ones? Would you consider the bonds shown in Shakespeare, like in Othello or Romeo and Juliet to be romantic?
The idea that children should be raised in extended families and close friends is an interesting one. I haven't thought about that before. Supposedly, parents have this biological urge to protect their children; they love their children simply because they are their children and they don't feel the same way about other people's children. This is supposedly what makes the biological parents ideal for raising children. But how much of this is just our society being individualist? I don't know. And I'm not sure how much close friends would actually care about the child enough to want to partake in raising them. Grandparents, aunties/uncles, sure.
The parents should probably at least not hate each other for a healthy family environment. I suppose in principle, as long as a child has at least two stable, caring guardian figures in their lives, it should be fine. The issue with the parents breaking up is probably more so the emotional distress that is caused by the break up. Like if the child has only ever known a stepdad, it'd be fine.
Now this is kind of ironic lol. A person who loves consuming romance but has lost hope in their own romance. Excuse me for prying, but I'm curious to know why you think you won't be able to fall in love again.
Let me know about any romance stories (preferably in the visual medium) that have a very strong bond beyond romance (a bond which I interpret to be friendship). I only know of the Before trilogy of movies.
I think whether or not having particularly strong bonds with multiple people is possible depends on how unique the individual is. I think some people are just broader and maybe they have compatibility with more people. However, if an individual has particular things about them, such as more extreme personality traits or some passions that are important to them, then a particularly strong bond for that individual would have to meet those traits or passions.
For Bersek yeah I wasn't a fan of what they did to Casca. I've been told that overall she's still treated respectfully because she gets an arc where she comes back from being a vegetable and I'll believe it when I see it myself. Especially since at the end of the day... she was still a vegetable for 30 years lol.
I have some more thoughts, and I think you have some pretty interesting perspectives on things, so I'd be interested in a Discord voice call. If you're down with that, I can send you an invite. If not, that's cool too.
Now for the purpose of raising children, husband and wife sticking together for at least 18 years is probably the most optimal. In terms of maintaining romantic love for a long period of time, I would agree that it's not as sustainable as we would like because of the aforementioned changes in society as well as the fact that people change, mature, grow, get worse, made the wrong read on their spouses to begin with, etc. It is a tall task to ask someone in their 20s with limited life experience to make a decision that is good for them for the rest of their life.
Now, the other, more progressive reason why this bond may not be sustainable is because, as taboo as it is to say, it is possible that people can form equally strong bonds with multiple other people they're attracted to besides their spouse. I am not fully supportive of polygamy or open relationships myself, but it does seem to be a missed opportunity for you to have to give up a really good relationship with someone just because you can only dedicate yourself to one person.
I don't want to harp on this point too much, but just to be clear, I'm simply saying that the series confuses two types of escapism- escapism from the giant robot situation and escapism from one's inner problems. When Shinji goes on the train in one of the earlier episodes, he tells himself he must not run away ,ostensibly referring to him running away from his giant robot responsibilities, but this supposed flaw is not the same as the flaw of running away from his personal demons. But maybe this is a nitpick. As for Asuka's quote, I would broadly agree that it's important to not be selfish in pursuit of validation and to learn to give as well. I still don't think the movie does a good job of substantiating Shinji's decision to reject instrumentality and still make it work, considering he's still at the bottom of his pit of despair by the end of the movie.
I'm sure male homoeroticism was prevalent but I'm not familiar with the sentiment that male-male relationships were better than male-female relationships. I mean, for Berserk, going off the anime, sure there arguably are undertones between Guts and Griffith but that's not the same as saying that such a bond is preferable to that between Guts and Casca.
It's definitely not an airtight argument and it's not the first one I'd levy against Eva.
It's true that there is an in-universe explanation for Shinji having to pilot the robot, but the story is trying muddling two different conflicts. The whole point of Eva is to use the giant robot battles to shed light on the personal struggles of its characters. When we're talking about the personal struggles of teenagers, sure escapism from reality is bad because they're not dealing with their problems. But the series is conflating this escapism from escaping from a toxic situation. 14 year olds are not supposed to be having the fate of the world on their shoulders, least of all emotionally damaged 14 year olds. Maybe someone watching it really is in a terrible environment but Eva would be telling them to stick it out, that it's their fault, when it's really not. So it's not an issue in-universe, but rather in relation to the show's message.
My memory is a bit fuzzy on what Asuka told Shinji. Maybe you can point me to a timestamp. I know from the final two episodes of introspection that the quote is "One who truly hates himself cannot love, cannot place his trust in another." So basically you can't love others if you don't love yourself. My issue is that apparently, the solution to Shinji's problem is that he has to connect with other people so that he can realize that they don't actually hate him lol. It took me a while to understand that this was what the series was saying, and if you want to go down that rabbit hole I have the transcript of the lines from the final two episodes.
About the Kaworu thing, I really don't see this scene under the lens of sex/gender, perhaps because I haven't seen this sentiment of "relationships between men are better than relationships between men and women". I am not knowledgeable about the history, and if that history pertains to the culture and time period Anno was in, nor can I think of this trope being in media off the top of my head. Other than that one Boondocks episode parodying a gay rapper lol. Also, it seems like Shinji and Asuka are supposed to make it work at the end of EoE, so maybe the series isn't saying this?
However, I am similarly disgusted that Shinji is so pathetic in his need for validation that he'll attach to anyone who gives it to him. He might have even turned gay if it meant getting that validation. Now, is it realistic? 1000%. I've seen people do this. But what's more troubling is that the series might actually believe that an external source of validation is what Shinji needs. The other issue I have with this is they give Shinji hope via Kaworu only to use it to further traumatize him with Kaworu's death. And this is in line with the series just not giving its characters a break and being determined to spiral its characters further into depression. Which is pointless because we already understand these characters' problems, so exacerbating them isn't really doing anything other than producing more angst. The series opts to do this instead of you know, actually spending time building these characters up a bit so that it can actually substantiate its message that there's hope and that life is worth living.
Lastly, I would think the more misogynistic part of Eva is the fact that all the women are weak to men and/or have daddy issues. Like Misato has daddy issues so that's why she attaches herself to Kaji. Asuka also attaches herself to Kaji, though in this case it's because of mommy issues. Both Ritsuko and her mother fall for the same toxic ass man in Gendo. Like seriously, the female characters' lives all revolve around men. And Rei... Rei is treated like shit, keeps getting killed off, has no agency, and has almost no character... and ofc she's a slave to Gendo.
That's funny because that's the exact time I dropped it too lol. I dropped it at the library scene because it was clear the characters didn't know that they had to kill Johan to keep him from killing more people. The story is completely ignorant to the fact that killing Johan would save lives. But yeah I do think the show doesn't really further the discussion on the ideas it introduces.
Let's disagree now lol. What's your take on Eva? I think it does a good job explaining the problem, but it does so in a very repetitive way featuring characters that are extreme case studies of the problems. For how much it harps on the problem, it also barely offers any constructive answers, with the message at the end of the series also being kind of wrong. Shinji thinks he has to reach out to others but this ignores the importance of internal validation and also this doesn't work when he's surrounded by similarly unhealthy people. Furthermore, the message is anti-escapist, which isn't inherently wrong, but given Shinji's context, children should not be made to pilot giant robots for the fate of the world. Shinji kind of has a right to escape but he also kind of doesn't because if he does so the world is doomed. So I think the message is muddied at best.
THAT IS TRUE regarding the "own hands thing" LOL. I never even noticed that and no one else has noticed that. The show gets worse the more you think about it. Now, to be sure, there might be some explanation saying that someone needed to bear the despair or whatever within the system, but at that point Urobuchi's system is so convoluted to begin with. Also, people have noted how Homura wished to be the one to save Madoka, rather than wishing to straight up save Madoka, and they've said that this is complex writing because Homura is actually selfish and egotistical in her wish. However, while this may be in line with her insecure character, this is not in line with Madoka's, who is portrayed to be selfless. All in all I think the meta reason she did that is because her sacrifice is a payoff for what the series is building up to, which I don't buy even on that level because there's not much of a reason this teenage girl is so virtuous to begin with nor that she even has the scope of understanding/experience that matches the scope of sacrificing oneself to save the world.
Yes, the suffering for all of the characters is meaningless because the reasons for the suffering are stupid. I would also look Kyouko's decision to sacrifice herself over Sayaka into that because 1) she hasn't known Sayaka long enough to do that and 2) she literally had plenty of time to escape.
You make an interesting point about romance that I am inclined to agree with. If romantic love IS really mostly predicated on physical attraction, which seems to be the case in most media because they don't bother building it up with anything else, then I would agree that it is the most shallow form of love and I'd rather see a beautiful friendship. Because a good friendship requires chemistry and that's more interesting to me. However, I'd like to believe a good romance also has a good friendship as a prerequisite and thus when done right it should be entertaining as well. But idk, maybe that's me being idealistic.
I've actually heard that men in the past were much openly passionate towards their friends to the point where it'd be labeled as gay today. So yeah, societal stereotypes.
Please do let me know what you think about Before Sunrise.
I see you rated Monster as a 3, a show I consider to be highly overrated. What are your issues with it?
As for the misogyny thing, I myself have wondered if Madoka could be accused as misogynistic. It has the gall to tell us that ALL magical girls inevitably fall into despair and fans will defend this by saying that teenage girls being irrational and emotional is normal. Which I think is greatly exaggerated. Not to mention, apparently every important female figure in history had to make a wish to get to where they were, which is downright insulting.
By the way, most of the story's problems aren't even solved, because Madoka only prevented witches from existing, but didn't prevent magical girls from inevitably falling into despair and dying.
I would have to disagree that Urobuchi intended meaningless misery. I think he embellished the tragedies in order to prop up the significance of Madoka's sacrifice at the end. But overall, I hate his brand of edginess.
About romances, I haven't really seen any great anime romances, but then again, it's hard for me to find romances that I like in general. What convinces me of a romance mostly is chemistry but that's not how the majority of media builds up a romance. Hence why Before Sunrise is my prime example of a romance; it's just two people talking for the entire time. However, most of the time, I actually think romance is done best when it's inserted as a subplot, wherein the main plot provides the tension. Having romance as the main plot can work, but I find that writers tend to use too much melodrama to provide the tension/stakes of the story when they only have the romantic conflict to work with. Writers also almost never write about what happens AFTER the confession, because much of the entertainment in a romance seems to be the "will they or won't they" dynamic whereas I think there's a lot to do with portraying the communication between two people already in the relationship.
I also actually agree with your takes on gender in relation to trans people. You're the only other person I've seen profess the same viewpoint. That if gender is a societal construct, why are people changing their bodies according to the societal construct? That said, they can do whatever they want with their body I guess (but let's not pretend like doing this is not reinforcing the gender stereotypes to begin with).
I have some more thoughts but this is getting long enough already haha
If you had just said you're transphobic in that essay of a bio you have, it would've saved me a lot of trouble lmao
And nobody talks about "healthy femininity" because "toxic femininity," while it exists (e.g. TERFs), isn't a widespread systemic issue in society.